


When I’m Gone

by Aca-Oblivious (AgentZakura)



Category: Pitch Perfect (Movies)
Genre: Christmas Fluff, F/F, Merry Pitchmas 2020, Merry Pitchmas Gift Exchange, Merry Pitchmas Gift Exchange 2020, Pitchmas 2020
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-26
Updated: 2020-12-26
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:46:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28334859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AgentZakura/pseuds/Aca-Oblivious
Summary: Beca Mitchell attends a Christmas party in her hometown of Barden hoping to reunite with her childhood best friend
Relationships: Chloe Beale/Beca Mitchell
Comments: 6
Kudos: 72





	When I’m Gone

**Author's Note:**

  * For [BeChloeIsLegit](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeChloeIsLegit/gifts).



> Merry Pitchmas 2020!!! This fic is for bechloeislegit on Tumblr. She gave me this request/prompt:
> 
> On my Pitchmas list this year, I’d like something slightly angsty with a happy ending. Something like Beca and Chloe met when they were young and became friends. Years later they meet up again; Beca has not forgotten her “first friend” but Chloe needs some help remembering (or vice versa; your choice). Do with it what you will

Beca stood there, absentmindedly playing with the lapel of her blazer staring at the red haired girl across the room. She had tried to get her attention by casually glancing every five seconds in her direction. So far, she had no luck. There was always someone or something in the way. 

It wasn’t a big deal. It’s only been ten years that she’s been waiting to reunite with her childhood friend. They were eight years old the last time they had seen each other. Beca Mitchell a small scrappy little nobody of a girl who had somehow made friends with the most popular girl in school. She couldn’t forget the way she’d try her best to keep herself hidden away in the darkest corners of their small little school only to meet the ray of sunshine that was Chloe Beale moments later. Her crystal blue eyes. Her flaming red hair. Her hundred watt smile. All there for Beca. She truly did not deserve her. But she kept finding Beca every day she needed her until she could not be found anymore.

Now Beca was back. How foolish it was for her to think that Chloe would sense her presence and magically find her again. She probably was glad to be rid of Beca. Chloe was Beca’s first friend after all because Beca refused to have any others. She knew what trusting people brought her. Pain and heartache. Like her dad, who she adored, until he left her and her mom to raise another family. Her parents who cared more about fighting each other than caring for their crumbling daughter who could only watch as her family fell apart.

It was Chloe who comforted Beca during those times. Who found her hidden in the tower at the top of the playground’s tallest slide sobbing. Or under the school bleachers fighting the urge to hurt herself.

And now here delusional Beca thinking ten years later she would just be waiting there for her. Returning to the shell of her once beloved small town. A guest of her father in her last desperate attempt to secure funds to get to LA and become the famous DJ was destined to be.

She sighed and stared at her drink. A once piping cup of apple cider was now a pathetic shadow of a drink that now was just glorified apple juice. She needed a new drink. Let’s start there.

She weaved through the crowds to head towards the beverage station to freshen hercup. In her rush to try to avoid as many human bodies as possible, she slammed directly into someone just a foot away from her destination. “Shit, I’m sorry…” she grumbled. She didn’t need this. Can she just disappear already? Maybe she should leave the party all together. She looked up and was met with those same crystal blue eyes that she had spent so many night thinking about.

“Hey,” Chloe beamed back. Beca felt her nerves seize all her motor functions as the anxiety gripped her. She knew. Didn’t she? That was her Chloe. Saying hi. Say something.

“Totes okay,” the redhead’s eyes broke from hers and began to scan beyond her.

“CHLOE!!” 

Beca had opened her mouth to say something and an entirely different voice shouted back. A blonde haired woman was waving across the room.

“AUBREY!!” She heard Chloe squeal back. And then she was gone. Swallowed up by another group of friends. None of which were Beca. This time accompanied by two men getting awfully close the blonde and redhead.

The brunette’s face twisted. Beca was speechless. What had just happened?

There were so many things she wanted to tell Chloe. That was her chance and she blew it.

Fuck. 

_ She didn’t remember her either. This was a stupid idea. _

Fuck.

_ Nice going, Mitchell. _

She steeled herself up and threw her drink away. 

_ Fuck this.  _

She needed some air. Maybe her dad wouldn't notice if she snuck away and walked home. In the snow. Miles away from anywhere she even remotely knew as familiar. 

**_FUCK._ **

The room was suffocating her. It was hard enough being back in Barden in general, but familiarity of the banquet hall brought back a flood of memories. Crying as a little girl alone under a tablet after her parents fought the whole way to the party. The ever curious Chloe Beale investigating the noises coming from underneath the table cloth. Catching her dad a few years later cheating on her mom with his graduate student teaching assistant. Her mom had crumpled at the revelation. Chloe holding onto her tight as the world she knew disappeared right before her eyes. And now, even the sweetest memories, were tainted with regret. 

There was a fire pit outside. A young couple vacated their seats as snow began to gently fall upon them. Beca hugged her coat tighter to herself and took an empty chair. She hugged her knees close to herself and let her feet peek over the edge of her seat. For a moment, all she did was watch as the snowflakes disappeared into the flames. Each followed by a tiny crackle as they poofed out of existence. She envied them.

_ It’s okay _ , she told herself.  _ I can disappear in LA. I’ll find my place. If only through my music. _

Any hope she had left of anyone else caring for her died when Chloe looked past her. It had been ten years. Of course, Chloe had new friends. Chloe had a new life. It was Beca who squandered her moments away. She pushed everyone who ever got close to her ever since away because her heart could not take anymore loss. She’ll be okay. Nothing new here. 

She breathed in and let the pain consume her, but fought to hold back the tears that threatened to fall. She would not break down. Not here. These people didn’t deserve to see that part of her. The loneliness was the other thing she could count on at this moment. She needed to find comfort in that and hold herself together.

“I got my ticket for the long way ‘round…'' she sang softly to herself. Her eyes were focused intensely on the flames that danced in the pit before her.

“Two bottle o’ whiskey for the way,” she let her arms fall lower until she hugged her ankles. She leaned the side of her head against one of her knees. “And I sure would like some sweet company. And I’m leaving tomorrow, what do you say?” 

_ She imagined a twelve year old Chloe smiling down at Beca. Her arms around the brunette as she sobbed softly to herself. “I’d go anywhere with you, Beca. Promise.” _

She felt the heat behind her eyelids grow strongrer. This was the song they sang together. Before she left. To remember her by. To help her from feeling lonely.

“When I’m gone…” she breathed in again. “When I’m gooonnnee,” she prolonged the last word. Sorrow dipping with each note. 

“You’re gonna miss me when I’m gone.” 

She shook her head..  _ Did she even notice she was gone? Why would she? You’re insignificant, Beca. Disappear. Push her away. Like anyone who gets close. You don’t want to feel this pain again. _

_ No one will ever miss you. Your dad is proof of that. Chloe is proof of that. No one cares that you were gone. _

“You're gonna miss me by my hair…”

_ Chloe’s red curls bouncing on her shoulders as she ran to hug Beca like she always did when she saw her. She will never smile at you again. _

“You're gonna miss me everywhere…”

_ A new town. A new school. Not a familiar face. Yet the ghost of feeling. Peering around each corner hoping to have a glimpse of her favorite redhead to save her from herself. The only person who knew how to soothe the constant ache in her heart. _

“Oh, you’re sure gonna miss me when I'm gone.”

_ If only. _

“When I’m gone…” she choked back this time as she tried to hold her emotions at bay. A single tear escaped while it had a chance. She quickly wiped away the evidence.

_ Don’t feel it.  _

“When I’m gone…” she let the note ride her roller coaster with her. She took a deeper breath this time, ready to release her sorrow into each following note.

“You're gonna miss me when I'm gone,” her eyes widened as a voice sang softly in unison behind her. Their eyes met. Chloe’s eyes softened as she half smiled back at Beca. There was a pause as they stared at each other.

The blood rushed to Beca’s face. All she could was the thumping of her heart in a moment that dragged into eternity. Chloe raised her eyebrows and nodded encouraging her to continue.

“You're gonna miss me by my walk. You're gonna miss me by my talk,” she sang as Chloe accompanied her. “You're gonna miss me when I'm gone.”

They smiled at each other. There was a pause as they reveled at how perfectly their voices melded together once more.

Chloe was the first to speak. She sat next to Beca, curling up her knees under the dress she wore. Beca continued to push Converse shoes up against the edge of her seat, scraping the sole back and forth out of habit, choosing instead to focus her actual attention on the woman in front of her.

“I love that song…” Chloe smiled. Her eyes watching the flow of the flames this time. “I used to sing it with my best friend.”

Beca stopped fidgeting then. Her breath began to go shallow. 

_ Did she… remember…? _

If Chloe noticed Beca’s change in behavior, she didn’t acknowledge it. Her eyes squinted as she began recalling distant memories. “My mom used to sing it to me before… Before… she passed away,” she swallowed hard. “It was our song. I used to wish…” she paused, searching for the right words to explain the old broken pieces of her heart. She shook her head. There were no words to explain it. She moved on.

“I found her,” she began. “My best friend, not my mom,” she giggled to herself, realizing the sudden change in subjects. “She was crying one day… At a party… kind of like this one,” she looked around, her eyes tracing the twinkling lights lined along the roof of the banquet hall next to them. The various garlands wrapping around each pillar standing alongside the entrance. “Her parents used to fight all the time. It was the first one they had and she was so afraid. She was afraid of losing either of them.”

She began to recall the first night. A younger dark haired girl sniffling in the corner. “I don’t know…” the little girl began, crying on her best friend's shoulder. “I don’t want to choose… Where am I supposed to go?” 

“So we’d sing that song together. Like my mom and I used to. To remind us, that no matter what happened. A piece of us would always follow them.”

“You… remember that?”

“Yeah… of course I do,” the redhead scoffed, staring back at Beca in disbelief. “You’re a hard one to find Beca Mitchell.” She smiled and nodded towards her.

“You… remember me.. ?”

“Of course I do! You may be able to hide from everyone else, but I always find you eventually. The moment I looked into your eyes, I knew it was you. You’re Beca Mitchell. It’s been… years…”

Beca didn’t know what to say. She thought back to how Chloe had left her to join the blonde and the two men inside.

“My friend flagged me down and the moment I turned back you were gone,” Chloe explained as if she were reading her mind. “”I thought you might have run away out here. It’s very Beca-ish.”

“I spent most of my life hiding. And yet, you’d always find me… Until I left…” Beca’s eyes were distant as she recalled the day she moved away with her mom. She didn’t get a chance to say goodbye. “I just thought you forgot about me. Like everyone else. I’m… forgettable...” 

“You’re anything but forgettable.” Chloe paused then, her eyebrows knit together in concern. “I guess, I’m the opposite,” she shrugged. For a moment, Chloe’s light began to flicker. She tried to keep it burning strong, but Beca noticed her sunny exterior fade for the smallest millisecond. “I never heard from you after that night. What happened, Beca?” It was Chloe’s turn find the hem of her dress to be the most interesting creation in the world.

“I didn’t know what to say. My dad left us… For that graduate student…And my mom… She couldn’t stay here anymore. She was broken for a long time, Chlo. Before we knew it I had my life packed up. I could barely function.” Beca thought back to a hollowed out younger version of herself. The little girl drained of all emotion to stay strong for her mother. “It was too late then. I couldn’t go back. Not even for you.”

Beca felt warm arms wrap around her then. Chloe had stood up and knelt in front of her. The dam she tried to shore up began to crumble then as she sobbed into Chloe’s shoulder, just like she did so many years ago. 

“It’s okay, Beca… I know… shhh…” she kissed the top of the other girl’s head. Her hands rubbed her arms to soothe her. “I kind of figured it out when I heard your dad had married Sheila. I tried to find out where you went but no one knew where you two had gone.”

Both women were quiet then as they recalled the last moments they had together in their youth. Chloe didn’t have the words to admit the days she spent searching for Beca. How she expected the brunette to magically appear at her house to pour out her heart once again. How it took her a long time to return back to normal, or close to normal, but never finding anyone like Beca again.

Beca thought back to the days shortly after leaving Barden. Writing letters and throwing away letters to her best friend. Wondering if it would ever matter. Maybe Chloe was better off without her too. But oh, did it feel right to be in her arms again.

“So… does this mean you’re back… or…?” Chloe leaned back to look at Beca. She chewed on her bottom lip nervously as she waited for an answer.

“I… don’t know…” Beca swallowed. She thought about her father’s proposal about college again. “My dad has been pestering me about college.” She rolled her eyes and sniffed, wiping the tip of her nose with the back of her hand. 

Chloe giggled. She missed Beca’s I-don’t-care-but-I-really-do facade. God, did she miss her. “Well… I do go to Barden University… So I can give you a tour if you’re staying for a while.”

“Yeah?” Beca half smiled back at her old best friend.

“Yeah…” Chloe beamed back at her. “And we totally have this awesome aca-pella group you HAVE to audition for.”

Beca cringed and bit her tongue between her front teeth. “Seriously? You do that shit… for fun? Maybe I’ll just go back into hiding...”

Chloe frowned then and Beca’s heart dropped. Shit. “I mean…” she started to back track.

Chloe tilted her head knowingly towards Beca. “Seriously, Mitchell. You can hide, but I’ll find you when you least expect it,” she winked back.

Beca smiled. Genuinely smiled. Maybe things will be okay after all.


End file.
